What do you see when you look in the mirror? Are you too fat or too thin? Are you ashamed of your acne scars or your squint? Do other people keep telling you that you are not worth anything? Do you feel helpless and small? Then it's time you finally strengthened your self-esteem. It's not that difficult.

Distinguish the critics
Take the time to distinguish the nasty tongues. Which nagging tongues come from your inner critic, and which ones do you receive from your environment? You should have a more open relationship with the latter than with yourself. Because what counts most for your well-being is how you feel and how you treat yourself.

The fatal thing is that people with a less well-developed sense of self-esteem are less able to establish a relationship with themselves than those who always feel strong and powerful. You can tell by the way they perform. First and foremost is always their ego: "I can ..." "I know that ...", "I look really good in this dress." Such sentences would never cross your lips. You would rather remain silent, even if you knew or could do something very well. And no matter how attractive you looked in that dress, you wouldn't notice it, let alone say it. Rather, you would have something to criticise about yourself, for example, that your wide waist is even more prominent in the dress.

Why is that? As is often the case in psychology, your genes partly determine whether you go through life shy, relaxed and open or aggressive. But only a small part. The rest is instilled in you by your environment. Children who were constantly criticised by their parents have a harder time building a harmonious relationship with themselves. Even then, it wasn't the inner critic who said that the picture didn't turn out well for you, that the two in the dictation wasn't enough. It was your mother who wanted to make an ambitious painter out of you or your father who expected a grade point average of 1.0 from you. This bad-mouthing offends and shapes you for the rest of your life. But only if you do nothing about it.

Accepting yourself
There's a lot about your appearance you can't change. Well, you could update your clothing style, recreate your hairstyle, freshen up your complexion with make-up, lose weight through exercise and a balanced diet. But you will keep the apparently too long nose, the narrow lips, the big bosom. Unless you go under the surgeon's knife. But then you wouldn't be you any more. That would be a pity. You don't think so? You'd rather look like someone else? Don't think it's that easy. Only when your feelings, your appearance and your behaviour are in harmony, can you find an inner balance. That is exactly what you should strive for.

Accept yourself as you are with all your weaknesses and apparent flaws. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You must have been told to be ashamed many times in the past. Perhaps you are ashamed not only of yourself, but often of others as well? Let it go, it won't get you anywhere. However, your brain refers to its experiences and thinks that this is the only feeling you are entitled to. That is not true. You will prove it to him. It will not happen that you will be bursting with self-confidence from one day to the next. You will develop in small steps. But it is worth it. The more attentively you take them, the more harmoniously you can deal with your ego.

Perceive the positive
Now look at yourself again in the mirror and say aloud which parts of your body you are happy with. Start the sentence with "I have beautiful ..." This is not so easy for you, is it? Be brave. There is no one there to listen to you. Memorise these parts of your body and look at them carefully the next time you pass the mirror. Look only at them and not at your problem areas. You will notice that little by little you will be more and more satisfied with your appearance.

In the same way, deal with the criticism from those around you. If someone tells you that you look like shit again, you should ignore this sentence. It's even better to counter with a question that always works: "Oh, yeah?" Shrug your shoulders as if in passing. The point of the arrow has already been broken off by your counterpart, because the effect of his attack apparently went nowhere. Now you must not brood over this slight and reproach yourself, otherwise your enemy would have achieved his goal after all.

Instead, you should pay attention to words of appreciation from those around you, no matter how trivial they may seem to you. For example, if your colleague compliments you on how well your scarf goes with your blouse, accept this praise and thank him or her. Perhaps your boss tells you that he is pleased with your correct work. Your girlfriend asks what shampoo you use to make your hair shine so silky. These are all comments that will encourage you - if you notice them. But you have to want to notice them.

Keep a success diary
The following step may seem unimportant at first. However, you should not skip it because it is important. Even highly respected managers, coaches and politicians have internalised it. The same applies to athletes who want to improve their performance. Keep a diary. It differs from a normal diary in that you only list your successes, such as the compliments already mentioned. Continue to write about what you have achieved during the day. This can be small things, for example, you put away the pile of laundry, vacuumed the flat, looked after your friend's child. In the evening, you should have at least five entries in your diary.

At the end of the week, you read through these notes again. Don't you have every reason to be proud of yourself? Keep the success diary for a longer period of time. You will see that you feel better mentally. This is because your brain is reprogramming itself. This increases your self-confidence.

Reach outto others
This reprogramming means that you are not only more satisfied with yourself, but also more open to the people around you. You should take advantage of this. Go up to other people, smile at them. You will see that they will be just as sympathetic to you. Because what is the old saying? What goes around comes around.